Stress quietly crawled up my spine as I try to comfort my crying baby but I took a few breaths and understood. He is not crying at me, he is crying with me by his side. He is not doing it to stress me out, he is communicating in the only way he can. These emotions I’m feeling while he’s crying are my feelings to sort out, never his. I tell myself, “Do what you can to care for him and try to ease his crying, but if it doesn’t work it’s not your fault and as the parent, I cannot let my intense emotions win.”
We as moms HAVE to prioritize keeping ourselves calm, present, and level-headed for our babies. It is not their job to sort out our emotions and feelings. It is our responsibility to love them and teach them how to think through emotions in all kinds of situations. Sometimes, having a lapse in judgement or lacking in self control to settle our own feelings can simply be an effect of getting to our last straw for the day or just being physically overstimulated. But at the end of the day, the way we decide to handle or not handle ourselves first will ALWAYS impact someone. Whether that’d be your husband, children, friends… I know how hard it can be especially when emotions that come up can be related to our childhood or memories of pain or trauma, but the more presence you put into those day-to-day moments WILL improve the bigger picture of it all.
“Sometimes no matter how much comfort or love I’m surrounded by, I still can’t help but to let the tears fall until it passes. And sometimes the crying is the comfort.”
This sentence circulated in my mind over and over again.
I sat there and wondered what it would be like if he could tell me what was wrong. I started to imagine the moments in my life where even though I had solutions, or comfort, or breathing techniques, sometimes I just needed to get it out until I was settled and cried the feelings out of me. It is no one else’s fault that I need more time to calm down, but I can’t hold my son to a standard of expectation that I, myself, need as a human being to get through something. And let’s get this straight: I know my 4 month old son isn’t dealing with intricate emotions that he can explain right now. But In his development the things that are a stressor for him like tummy time, discomfort, and so many other things communicated through crying are valid struggles in his season of life. So he can cry all he needs to: it doesn’t reflect failure as a mom, but it sure can feel like we’re letting them down if we don’t figure it out every time. But sometimes we don’t even know why we are feeling something. And it takes time, sometimes tears, to finally let it settle.
Grace Birkelo
Christian Wife And Mama 