By Grace Birkelo
(Best read using dark mode on Phone & listening to “Present- By Lloyd Vaan”, Press Play Below)
It feels as distant and dark as space, the galaxies on her cheeks.
Quiet and cold, she feels in her skin.
The sudden judgement in an instant she dwells on before she locks the door to enter into the abyss of eyes. If they look at her for too long, she would want nothing more than to hide her face behind her sweater because of the vibrant fireworks on her chin that glow in the most unflattering way.
Water splashes her face and hundreds of products have been graced to meet her skin, but they always fail to grace her in return. Wasted dollars and time spent attempting to remove the unleashing wrath of her hormones that express themselves as craters coming up from her jawline. There is no way to escape the brutal passions that show their power in the shape of broken promises and failure— physically.
She closes her eyes and her own body feels like a suffocating wasteland in the form of water. Crashing water with no mercy, an unrelenting war between the earth and her. The days where the sun shined used to be her rest, the peace and warmth of the sun’s rays felt like a hug from God.
But now they scare her in a way that causes her to stay in the comfort, or isolation, of the four walls she feels safe. Only because there isn’t a chance that others will see her in a manner that she can’t glamorize or hide.
Texts feel more shallow, but at least she knows they don’t see the things she can’t escape.
“The sun is just too bright these days, it reveals more than I am willing to share and less than I can hope for.” Her body used to feel like home, a place she was proud to share and be present for the ones she loves, but it started to feel more and more like the place she wanted so earnestly, to abandon.
But nothing makes her want to embrace the sun more — than when she hears the truth of what defines her existence from the one she most adores, as he says,
“God sculpted you just the way you are, there is no spot or blemish to suppress what He has created you to be. You are like a sculpture, chiseled to perfection in the most mesmerizing way,
and your eyes..
Your eyes glow like the sun’s light that makes the ocean glimmer. Your smile is such a light and your body is such a beautiful creation. God made you this way, not for you to criticize. You are like fine art, and though your beauty will fade, that isn’t what makes you the most beautiful,
It’s the thing no one can take away from you, the thing that will always make you shine above them all —
it’s your soul.
And your soul makes you beautiful beyond compare.”
Christian Wife And Mama 